The fifth day....

At this moment I feel like time is ticking too slow . I did not realize that someone whom I have known for over 20 years noticed a sudden change in me. I was no more talkative as usual. Yesterday, He asked around to gather information what went wrong. Something unpleasant also happened yesterday between my daughter and me and that story became the focus of my family attention without knowing that I have a more and serious situation which I cannot openly talk to any one of them.

Today is a quiet day for me. I am contemplating whether to see that woman or brush it aside for good. Akajon has not written anything yet.For some strange reason, I feel I need to look after myself more in term of my health and my look. Perhaps, I want to please Akajon and prove to him  that I am still attractive despite my age. People say, age is only a number. I can agree on that one.But on the hand, what the heck...I be myself .

I am not going to disturb him for a while.Let time passes by and see what develops next .More challenging for me than probing into his daily life . No longer I desire to know what he is doing blah..blah..It doesn't matter to me no more.

Finally a message popped in just right before asar time.." Are you alright?'

The fourthday...

Akajon had the mood to talk last night. I insisted that he asked his new wife to agree to see me at an appointed date. After a while , he replied that she agreed.But the fact is I am cooling down now and I am not to sure whether I should proceed with seeing her or just to let it go.Right before Isya today he sent me a message asking me how I am..And I dont feel oblighed to give an answer right away. He has hurt me earlier by ignoring my messages.Now is payback time.

Alhamdulillah, today I am more compose and relax. I dont want to think about this anymore. I have had good and bad memory while living with Akajon as his wife.Perhaps That woman wont be able to spot his weakness yet as it has only been 4 days and 4 nights they are staying together as a married couple.I believe I know Akajon inside out and his weakness and strength, his likes and dislikes..

I read a lot of articles about poligamy. A lot of women around the world are in the same boat like me. I respected and salute them for being brave and patient in going through this difficult phase.I hope and pray for all those sisters out there .May Allah give us the patience and persevarance.

Countdown..The third day

Akajon did send me  message but only after midnight. I guess the wife besides him must be sleeping already. No words of passion or love just a mere fact that he was just asking me whether I like his new wife picture which he just sent via Telegram.I was the one insisting on seeing his wife's picture in the first place. After I said it's fine with me if he doesn't  want to, suddenly the picture was quickly sent to me.After seeing, I immediately deleted the picture as have I promised him earlier.

It is now almost 2 p.m. in the afternoon. Weird enough I am still hoping that he could drop a few lines on my Telegram.I was checking my Telegram every now and then to see whether he remember me..Ah..! How foolish and silly I can be sometimes..why should he bothers about me now when  he is fully occupied with something better and something new compared to his previous monotonous life style.A big stir going on now.Suddenly his life turns 360 degrees...a bed full of roses and as for me now I feel like I am running uphill.

Biiznillah, I promise myself that I am going to write everyday so that I can remember clearly and precisely what really happened during this episode of my life.Perhaps on of these days, Akajon or my family members would accidentally found this blog and they might be interested to read my journal.

Allahu alam.

Unconditional love...where do I stand?

“Second wife! The words reverberated through my brain. Why? Am I not good enough? Never! I will never accept a second wife! If you want a second wife you can go out and get one as long as you know that I will not be here when you come back!

Those were my words to my husband a few years ago when he mentioned to me that he is intending to marry again a second time. It was a woman recently divorced, 4 children. She is having a hard time, he said, she don’t know where the next meal is coming from or how to provide adequately for her children. “Where is their father?” I asked, “Can’t he take care of his own kids? Why do you a strange man have to carry another man’s burden? Surely there are other ways that you can help her out financially without having to MARRY her!

I could not imagine myself in a plural marriage. Sharing my husband with another woman. Sharing his love, his smiles, his jokes with a woman other than myself. I could not fathom him holding her close and whispering loving words in her ears. It was unacceptable. An outrage. After all I have been to him. Wife, lover, mother, doctor, housekeeper. I raised 3 of his beautiful children. How can he insult me by marrying another woman as if I am not good enough? Not pretty enough. Not young enough or just plain not ENOUGH!

NO! I could not accept that and I vehemently made my stance clear to him. If she walks in, I walk out! Plain and simple. If he is willing to risk our marriage, our life, our children for another woman, then he must go ahead. I will not stand for it!

It all seems so many years ago now. When I thought that life would last forever and that nothing will ever change. But it did….

My husband did not get married to a second wife. After all my warnings and threats of leaving he abandoned the idea. I don’t know what happened to the women and children. My guess is that they moved on to another town.

He never mentioned a second wife again and I was happy with that. I managed to hang on to my husband but I didn’t know that our time was running out.

His last words to me were that he had a headache and is going to lie down till Esha. He never read Esha namaaz that night, because he never woke up.

I was devastated by his sudden death. The man whom I have spent my life with, snatched away from me in a second. I mourned him for a long, long time. Neglecting my children and the business. Soon all went to waste and we started losing everything one by one. First the car then the shop, then the house.

We moved in with my brother and his family. My 3 children and I crowded the house and my sister in law soon became annoyed by our presence. I needed to get out, to work and find a place of our own instead of living off the leftovers of others. But I had no skill.

When my husband was alive we lived comfortably. I had no need to go out and work or equip myself with a skill. Life was very difficult for me and my children and I wasn’t young anymore. I missed him every day with every beat of my heart. How could one’s condition change so drastically?

One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife.

It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. But how different the circumstances.

He came to my brother’s house to see me. There was an immediate connection between us. I liked him and I liked everything about him. He told me that his first wife knows that he is intending to marry again but that she is obviously not supportive of the idea and that he doesn’t know what her reaction will be when he tells her that he had found someone. His answer he said, will be dependent on her acceptance of Polygamy.

I started praying Istikhara that night. I so desperately wanted it to work out. I remembered so many years ago when the life of another woman depended on my decision and what my decision was. I felt contrite, I felt that because I did not give another woman a chance, a space in my life, that Allah will punish me this time around.

I repented, not once in my life did I think my action worthy of repentance because I had done nothing wrong. I only protected what was mine. Now that I am on the receiving end, I realized how wrong I was in denying another woman this PRIVILEGE of a husband. I prayed that she will accept me.

He phoned me a few days later telling me that his wife is having a hard time accepting it but that she is willing to meet me.

I was nervous the day of the meeting. I prayed a lot the day before and asked Allah to help me. When I met her, she was a person, a woman like me. A woman who loves her husband and fears losing him.

She took my hand and with tears in her eyes said: “This is very hard for me, but I hope that we can be sisters” her words broke my heart.

All I needed in these dark days was a hand reaching out to me and embracing me, giving me hope and the will to carry on. His wife was to me, the woman that I could not be and I will be forever grateful for that. I thought that no one could love her husband the way I loved mine, but she taught me the true meaning of unconditional love.

You never know a person’s situation until you are in it. Judge by what is right according to Qu’ran and you will see how Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala will sent double fold of blessings your way.”

and you will see how Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala will sent double fold of blessings your way.”

Knot tied

I was waiting patiently for his text message. Then at exactly 4.29 p.m. today he sent a message..WE already conducted the nikah ceremony today..blah..blah..I already anticipated this to happen. What more can I say..The knot has been tied and the marriage contract has been sealed. Later, I replied by asking him whether both of them are interested to meet me up tomorrow over lunch but he quickly dismissed my idea saying that woman is not ready...perhaps he is the one who is not interested to see me because I reckoned he might wasted precious time going out with me . I think he would rather spend more time with his precious new wife in bed...How can I be so naiive....All my text messages were not answered..too busy pleasing the wife I guess...Masha Allah...I remembered  a few years back, I was begging Allah to send him back to me...and now Allah is testing me by taking him away from me ....and after so many years living together , I guess I know him too well...Let the other woman takes care of him now..let her feels how I feel about him...Now , alhamdulillah I am feeling a lit bit comfortable and relax..The pain I felt earlier has gradually subsided....in a way I felt relief ...Thank you Ya Allah for making me remember you more in this trying period.

Trials and Tribulations

This month  is a month of test for me. My marriage seem to be a bit shaky. Akajon is interested to tie a knot with another woman soon. I have mixed feelings about this situation I am facing now. I felt pain in my heart. From his actions , I can tell that he is no longer physically attracted to me. Of late ,more attention to her and least attention to me. I have to accept the fact that I am old and he is still young. For whatever reasons he gave me to marry that woman, I will accept in good faith. All are in the hand of Allah .Yesterday he greeted  the woman at the KLIA airport. Akajon asked her whether I could tag along but The woman refused to see me . It is too soon she said. He already made preparation for  her accomodation prior to her arrival.  A Homestay is ready for occupation. Akajon will be busy entertaining that woman for the next two weeks. I will be left alone undisturbed.I guess my service is no longer needed . My marriage contract is nearing expiring date. I want to divert my my mind from thinking about this matter. I need to find something that will make my day passes by peacefully and at ease.I take this as a big test from Allah. Ya Allah..Ya Rabb.. make my heart steadfast to your deen and give me patience to go through this trials and tribulations. Forgive my sins Ya Allah..Forgive their sins Ya  Allah...Ameen Allahumma amin...

Perempuan yang haram dinikahi....

MENIKAH merupakan sebuah ibadah yang melimpahkan banyak pahala bagi orang yang melakukannya dengan semata-mata mengharap ridha Allah swt. Pada hakikatnya menikah adalah salah satu gerbang utama untuk mempersatukan cinta kedua insan dengan tali kasih sayang yang halal dan suci.

Berbicara tentang halal, tidak semua perempuan dapat dinikahi oleh laki-laki sekalipun keduanya beragama islam. Sebelum menikahi seorang perempuan, hendaknya laki-laki harus dapat menelusuri apakah perempuan tersebut halal untuk dinikahi atau tidak. Karena, jika laki-laki menikahi perempuan yang haram untuk dinikahi maka pernikahannya tidak sah atau batal. Jika terus dilanjutkan dan sampai melakukan hubungan intim maka hukumnya adalah zina. Na’udzubillaahi min dzaalik.

Agama islam telah menetapkan wanita yang haram dinikahi oleh laki-laki dikarenakan beberapa alasan, diantaranya yaitu:
Karena ada hubungan nasab (qoroobah):
Ibu dan ibunya ibu (nenek), ibu dari bapak, dan seterusnya sampai ke atas;
Anak dan cucu dan seterusnya sampai ke bawah;
Saudara perempuan kandung (seibu sebapak), sebapak saja atau seibu saja;
Saudara perempuan dari ayah (bibi dari pihak ayah (‘aammah));
Saudara perempuan dari ibu (bibi dari pihak ibu (khoolah));
Anak perempuan dari saudara laki-laki (keponakan) dan seterusnya;
Anak perempuan dari saudara perempuan (keponakan) dan seterusnya.
Karena ada hubungan perkawinan (mushooharoh):
Ibu dari istri (mertua);
Anak perempuan dari istri yang sudah digauli atau anak tiri, termasuk anak-anak mereka ke bawah;
Istri anak (menantu) atau istri cucu dan seterusnya;
istri ayah (ibu tiri).
Karena hubungan susuan (rodhoo’ah):
Perempuan yang menyusui (ibu susu);
Ibu dari perempuan yang menyusui (nenek susu);
Ibu dari suami perempuan yang menyusui;
Saudara perempuan dari perempuan yang menyusui;
Saudara perempuan dari suami perempuan yang menyusui;
Anak dan cucu perempuan dari perempuan yang menyusui;
Saudara perempuan , baik saudara kandung, seayah atau seibu.
Larangan menikah untuk sementara (muaqqat), yaitu larangan untuk menikahi perempuan-perempuan yang masih dalam kondisi tertentu atau keadaan tertentu. maka apabila kondisi tersebut hilang, hilang pulalah larangan tersebut sehingga perempuan tersebut halal untuk dinikahi. Mereka itu diantaranya:
Menggabungkan untuk menikahi dua perempuan yang bersaudara;
Menggabungkan untuk menikahi seorang perempuan dan bibinya;
Menikahi lebih dari empat perempuan;
Perempuan musyrik;
Perempuan yang bersuami;
perempuan yang masih dalam masa ‘iddah (menunggu);
Perempuan yang sudah dijatuhi talak tiga. Maka bagi yang menalak tiga istrinya, haram untuk dinikahi kembali kecuali sudah ada yang menyelanya.

Selain empat hal yang di uraikan tadi, masih ada pernikahan yang terlarang, diantaranya yaitu nikah dengan tujuan untuk mentalaknya, nikah tahlil (seseorang menikahi seorang perempuan yang telah ditalak tiga oleh suaminya dengan tujuan untuk menceraikannya kembali agar dapat dinikahi lagi oleh mantan suaminya), nikah dengan mantan istri yang sudah ditalak tiga, nikah shigar (seseorang yang telah menikahkan anaknya dengan seorang laki-laki, agar ia menikahkan anaknya dengannya tanpa mahar, nikahnya seseorang yang sedang melaksanakan ihram haji atau umrah, nikah dengan perempuan kafir, dan nikah dengan perempuan yang tidak beragama islam. Wallahu a’lam.[retsa/islampos/pendidikan agama islam dalam keluarga]