I am in dilemma

Akajon already back in his country,Uzbekistan ,now staying in his sister's house.I managed to contact him today via prepaid call card which lasted for nearly 20 minutes.I felt sad when he mentioned that his family is trying very hard to make him stay there for good by marrying him to a local woman.I dont think they even bother to consider me as Akajon's wife here anymore.No guilty feelings whatsoever.I also felt hurt,my heart is aching terribly.After all the troubles I went through with Akajon,this is what I got from them...Or maybe I am the one who is selfish here.
I am jumping the gun too fast,I guess.But in my mind, I can forsee that I will never meet him ever again,what more to stay as a married couple.Perhaps after six years together,this is the best thing that we should do,to walk on opposite direction.Me my way and you your way.I am too old to continue this kind of life style.It's becoming to heavy for me to shoulder the burden by myself.Or maybe I am acting weird now because my mind is not stable due to Aunt flo stopping by last night.Perhaps I am making an irrirational decision.Too early to consider and decide on this option of going separate ways.But Akajon,I am hurt and confused now.What must I do...?You have your own problems there to settle and I have my own problems as well.

I think I should let both of us cool down and relax for a while.I know there's a lot of constraint there.So,I have to be patient with you also.Akajon, if I have enough money,surely I will fly to your country as soon as I got the chance,but my constraint is also money,just like you.I dont know for long more I would be able to withstand this pressure,Allahu'alam.Please Akajon,dont play me out.Dont use me as your puppet..Dont abuse me...Dont pressure me...I am going to burst anytime,if you ever do these things to me..I cannot stand the pressure no more...coz Akajan,I am really in dilemma..Ya Allah,please help me to be patient and steadfast in your deen,ameen....

P/S I LOVE YOU

Assalamualaikum Akajon,

From last night I was worried sick about you.Some how or rather,I have this uneasy feelings that you might face problem at the Tashkent Airport.That was the reason why when I sent an earlier warning message to your cousin Otabek and Umid (Facebook) ,I wrote to them that you are coming home on 29 Jan and specifically I mentioned Uncle Mirshod to be present at the airport to greet you and to ensure that the local authorities will not harm you in any way.I couldnt sleep the whole night thinking about you.This morning I woke up and send sms to you but you did not reply until this afternoon.Alhamdulillah,I am glad that now you are already out of trouble.I did email Damir and asked him to call your family members.He replied my email by saying that you are now with your family.Azman is also asking about you.

I told him through sms that you have been arrested for few hours and later released by the authorities.I know you have been through a lot lately.It's all test from Allah for everybody.

I just wanna mentioned something here.Yesterday morning,my ex husband was very kind to me.He drove me all the way from Shah Alam to Damir's house to collect your handphone and wallet.I waited for Ruslan,Damir's son to come down for half n hour.Finally,he came down with his mother.MasyaAllah,.I was very happy to see her and Ruslan.I took out RM50 form your wallet and gave the money to Ruslan.She invited me to the house but I cant go since I came with family.Then after that,I asked my exhusband to go to Wangsa Melawati to the Tuition Centre.Alhamdulillah,there was somebody inside there but that young man did not know you.I forgot his name,Anyway,I managed to find your things.I think they put all inside your blue bag.I even brought back the electric jug back to Shah Alam.i did not see anything else except what's  already put inside your bag.What happened to your pair of blue jeans? I also couldnt find your hp charger.All rooms seems to be tidied up by somebody.First I couldnt locate your bag but when I look through one corner where they placed all the discarded computers and other staff, I saw your blue bag.Subhanallah.

Sayang, I bought a new charger for you and a new sim card registered under my name.I did not do roaming services yet.If you plan to use the simcard pls tell me so that I can call Maxis.When you sms me today afternoon,did you use Uncle Mirshod hp number or did you buy a new sim card for yourself.Pls tell me also how to use the call card.

Another thing before I forget.Did you collect your luggage?I put your baju and everything inside your mother's brown travelling bag.Please look for your belt,perfume big bottle and small bottle,toothbrush,cotton buds,towel,baju,trousers,underpants.I cannot put sharp things inside,so I took away the scissors and nail clippers and also shavers.On top of it all,I put lots and lots of biscuits for you to distribute to your family,relatives and friends.

Please write to me as soon as possible and tell me about what happened to you after the Lenggeng deportation to KLIA camp.I really wanna know.

When I went to see you at Lenggeng camp,actually I called up Azman first a day earlier and informed him of your whereabout.Then when I decided to go and see you the next day (Thursday) I sms to Azman and asked him whether he is wanna come with me to Lenggeng.He didnt reply,so i assumed that he is not coming.Then on Saturday morning he called me and asked about you.I told him that immigration is sending you to airport for deportation,he said he will come with his wife to KLIA .I saw him wth the wife at KLIA around 5pm.I came earlier with Malina.Immigration did not want to take your luggage.They said this is their standard procedures for IRan,Iraqand Uzbek nationals.No luggage can be given in KLIA except before that.Allah is able to all things,allahu Akbar.The rest is history.A lot persuasions and talks going on between Nasimkhan and Immigration personnels.Finally they agreed to check in your lugagge and also agreed to let us see you before boarding.I saw you.You looked diffferent altogether without beard and moustache.

Sayang,my handphone sudah rosak.So today,I withdraw RM300 and bought a new Nokia hp which cost me RM250.Balance in Maybank Account is around RM3k.So far, no credit from Bahrom.Perhaps if you have time,you can email him.If you need money,please let me know,OK.

I am tired now sayang.I am having my period today,so I cannot pray.I hope you be patient and do your very best to please Allah and do good to your parents especially to your mother.Send my salam to all your family members.

I already miss you..and will be missing you...Your blue sarung is with me,I exchange it with a new sarung for you to wear insyaAllah during your solat.

Wassalam

P/S I love you

Siti Soleha Diary- Mixed feelings

Day 60

Akajon called me in the morning around 10something.He said he was going to be sent to another camp which is nearer to KLIA.I really hope to see him tomorrow.May Allah make it happen,ameen.I did not do much during first half of the day except taking a 30 minutes nap.Later after zuhr,myself,Maryam and her father went to deliver    hampers.Finished everything,we went for makan at Rock Cafe in Subang.Ate pizza.Then went to fetch Fiza. I prayed Asr  in the Sunway Hospital today.Then went to Imperial Subang,bought things for the house.Came back,prayed magrib and went out again with Maryam to Giant.Bought socks and hp charger for Akajon and biscuits for Akajon.s family.Came back,took shower and prayed Isya prayer.Hopefully,tomorrow,everythig runs smoothly.I have to collect Akajon's hp and wallet from Damir's son  in Setapak,KL then if enough time ,I wanna go and check out whether there's people in Wangsa Melawati's office where Akajon put his things.I am feeling tired now.Better take a rest and sleepnow.Long day tomorrow...insyaAllah

Siti Soleha Diary- Allahu Akbar!!!

Day 59

Allahu Akbar,Allahu Akbar,Allahu Akbar.Allah is the Greatest.
I woke up early morning,washed myself,got dressed,prayed subh,make dua and walked out from the house headed straight  to the commuter station.Took train,changed train and then took taxi which cost me RM40-00 per trip to Depot lenggeng.Waited there for almost 1 hour,then finally Allah made me saw Aziz after so long...58 days to be exact.I held back my tears fearing that the officers might noticed and then started thinking funny.Bought some stuff for Aziz after finished  teleconversation for 30 minutes.Then walked to the other side,to meet another officer named Nizam asking for updates.He told me that the Uzbek Official are coming.Subhanallh,I kinda couldnt believed what i heard.Then went out and saw the same taxi driver already waiting for me.Alhamdulillah reached Seremban station around 1pm.Took train back to KL Sentral but after 10 minutes,the train came to a halt.Had to wait for 1 hour to get it moved by another train.Later,we changed train and finally reached my destination around 4 pm.Around 6pm Aziz called me.This was a pleasant surprise as I was the one who should call him.Another surprise,Nizam let Akajon borrowed his hp to talk with me.Tuuo my surprise and delight,Aziz told me that the immigration has found his passport and now they are ready to deport him on Saturday that is day after tomorrow.Aziz urged me to expedite the booking of plane ticket which I finally managed to settled it in 2 hours time,Alhamdulillah.I still couldnt believe that this is happening to Akajon.It's a miracle...I am very tired now but feeling happy that Akajon is going back home soon.

Siti Soleha Diary- Akajon is suffering

Day 58

I called Akajon today.He is suffering big time in Depot Lenggeng.I can understand why the frustration ,the place is heavily packed with all kind of people ,filthy dirty and noisy surrounding and the worst part is about the food being served on a filthy unwashed contaminated food trays.Subhanallah,I really cannot imagine how all these people inside there can cope with this kind of situation.Later I called Uzbek Embassy,managed to talk to a Mr Nasimhan.He is unfriendly and unhelpful,all he said was I am busy now,I will contact you and ask for my name and contact number. What an idiot he was, as if I dont know that Uzbek Embassy is so quiet and peaceful,no people to attend to...what nonsense,all I can say is that he is not happy to take my call.Very sad and frustrated to deal with this group of people.Why he want to work in this area if he is not even interested to help his own fellow country man.I should lodge a complaint to Uzbek government to sack these bunch of lazy and good for nothing people with better men.Perhaps they dont have better qualified man to begin with,I am starting to wonder...perhaps all of their people behave in the same manner,couldn't be bothered what so ever to their people except they are only interested in getting their pay checks every month credited to their accounts.Then,I called up Depot Lenggeng.After trying a few times,alhamdulillah I managed to speak with a lady officer.I guess the Immigration side had faxed the necessary forms to be filled by the Uzbek Embassy.I asked the Uzbeki man in the embassy whether anyone called from the Immigaration,and he replied yes.I also asked the officer in Lenggeng and the lady told me that she is still waiting for the uzbek officer to send back the documents to them for further processing.I pray and hope that Allah swt will make things easy for all of us,ameen.I know you are suffering big time in there Akajon,but be patient...insyaAllah I will try to go tomorrow morning to the depot to meet you as well as try to gather some informations from the immigration officer.Till then Akajon.

Siti Soleha Diary-Eating too Much

Day 57


Sew syuhaida's baju kebaya but still not completed ,insyaallah tomorrow i do the alterations.Every single day i am feeling tired.I think this is due to my age.I am getting older and now lacking of strength.always tired and want to rest or sleep.
Akajon,I am so sorry I couldnt help you  much now.Damir is still not around,so I dont know what to do except wait for him to return from Bangkok this week end.I will call him next Monday insyaallah.I also dont wat to call you because you friend there will ask me for rm10 top up.I find this is too much for me to bear.I hated him for doing this to his fellow muslim brothers and sisters.I ask Allah swt for help and guidance.May Allah swt make us peservere and steadfast in our deen,ameen

Siti Soleha Diary- Sewing Day

Day 56

Sew from morning till evening.Damir called,informed me that Uzbek Embassy requested the Immigration Officer to contact them regarding Akajon's matter.I felt a bit sad coz I cant help much here furthermore,Damir is going to Bangkok again and I can only contact him sometime next week.Pity for Akajon...have to wait till next week...may Allah swt make it easy for all of us,ameen

I am feeling very exhausted now.Better to sleep now...

Siti Soleha Diary- Busy Day for Me

Day 55

Time is running very fast now.Too much things to do. Fiza's wedding just round the corner.I am even too tired to update my diary daily.Alhamdulillah,Damir replied to my email.Hopefully he is able to get some information from Uzbek Embassy about Akajon travel pass.My children bought me 2 new baju for Fiza's wedding and a tudung,alhamdulillah.May Allah reward those people who has been so generous and kind to me,ameen.

Siti Soleha Diary- Immigration Matters

Day 52

Alhamdulillah, I managed to talk with Akajon through somebody's mobile phone which he charged RM10.00 credit topup.That was yesterday and today since I called Akajon and later Akajon called me,he again ask Akajon for another additional topup of RM10.00 and the owner does not even  lose a single cent as he only make miss calls for contacting .MasyaAllah,these people really know how to make business in this immigration camp despite tight and strict ruling.
Alhamdulillah,now I am feeling a bit relaxed.I managed to contact the Immigaration Officer Bahagian Pengusiran and he informed me their procedures and guidelines.Firstly I have to obtain travel pass/passport from uzbek embassy.Then I have to go to Depot Lenggeng and show the the documents.Only then they will informed me when to buy the flight ticket.Hopefully,they can expedite the whole thing.I am already too tired to go through all these red tapes.To my surprise,the office was quite accomodating and was willing to answer all my questions.InsyaAllah,I try to arrange for meeting with the officer as well as see Akajon there with Damir on next Monday.I am feeling very sleepy now.Need to take a break..

Siti Soleha Diary- Busy Day for Everyone

Day 50
Today is 19th of January 2011

Woke up early morning,pray subh,then listened to ceramah for 1 hour,washed clothes,took shower,got dressed,checked the house,everything ok,took my bike out and shut the door.Cycled halfway,pedal came out,had to push the bike,while doing that,all the six eggs I was carrying in the plastic bag drop on the road.Every single egg was smashed to pieces.Alhamdulillah,later I managed to fix the pedal.Cycled to work around 9.50pm.

Finished work around 1.55pm.rushed home.I saw my brother parked his car in front of my sister's house.He was sound asleep sitting at the driver's seat.He did not even noticed I already came back home.My sister,came back around the same time.we both prayed zuhr.Zambri gave me Rm200,he also took same amount with my sister from the RM600 ( khairiat kematian).Quickly,my sister and I got into her car.She drove me to the bus terminal at Sg Dua.My sister had to rush to go for meeting today at 2.30pm at Sg Ara,located further up the road.No more bus going to Shah Alam at that time, so I bought bus ticket going to KL instead after calling my exhusband asking him whether he could fetch me at Jalan Duta,KL which he replied boleh.

I took express bus from Terminal Sg Dua Penang at 2.30pm and alhamdulillah reached KL Jalan Duta around 7.20pm.Just enough time to pray asr.Later continued praying Magrib.I was feeling hungry,so went to the stall nearby the bus station, ate nasi lemak and drank a glass of teh ais.Waited for my family to fetch me at the front of the bus terminal.They came around 30 minutes later.Then went for dinner at Chow Kit Road,pusing-pusing makan angin for a while and then headed back to Shah Alam.Body all feeling very tired with a bad headache and aching body.

Siti Soleha Diary- Emails

Assalamualaikum Brother Damir,

How are you and the family?I hope you are fine and well.

I am very sorry to trouble you again and again.I callled many times for the last 2 days and sent sms messages to your mobile phone but all didnt reached you as I think you switched off your mobile phone.So,I decided to send you an email.

I wanted to inform you that Aziz called me yesterday Monday morning around 10.00 am.Alhamdulillah,I talked with him for about few minutes only as his call card credit already finished.He was asking me whether you have obtained the necessary papers i.e. travel pass from the Uzbek Embassy.Aziz said that insyaAllah he will be sent to  Immigration Depot in Lenggeng,Rembau, Negeri Sembilan on the 20th of January.

INsyaAllah I will go to Shah Alam on the 19th and I will try to contact the officers in  Depot Lenggeng to ask them about the procedures to visit him and discuss with the officer in charge..

Then after that, insyaAllah,if need be, Aziz suggested that you can take  me to visit him in Depot Lenggeng.InsyaAllah,if everything goes well, then Aziz ask you to buy the one way ticket to Uzbek.

Please contact me any time .

Thank you.

wassalam

Jazakallah khairan

REPLY FROM DAMIR on January 19th

Assalamualeikum Sister,

 

I'm in Bangkok. Come back On Friday inshaallsh and will call you.

 

Regards,

 

Damir.

Reply form me to Damir on 20th January

Waalaikumsalam Brother Damir,

Thank you for your email.

Alhamdulillah,I am already in Shah Alam.Today Aziz called me from Depot Lenggeng,Negeri Sembilan.The Kajang  prison officers released him on the 19th (Wednesay) instead of 20th January.Now, he requested that you and myself go see him there and talk to the Immigration Officers. Visiting is allowed only from Monday to Friday.The Immigration need travel pass from Uzbek Embassy.

InsyaAllah, I will inform him that you are now in Bangkok.Perhaps,you and I could go see him on next Monday.

Please call me when you return to Malaysia.

Jazakallah khairan

Reply from Damir to me on 20th January

Assalamualeikum sister,

 

I have contacted Uzbek embassy with right person so Aziz's travel docs in progress. I'll come and contact you Inshaallah. Pass my Assalamualeikum to Aziz if you contact him.

 

Regards,

 

Damir.

Siti Soleha Diary- A Sad and Long Day

Day 49

First time working evening shift from 7pm to 12pm yesterday evening.Alhamdulillah,not too many patients.closed
clinic at 11.50pm,went home cycling.
Alhamdulillah, Akajon called me around 10 am yesterday morning,managed to talk with him for a few minutes when the line was suddenly cut off due to insufficient credit.I tried to call Damir many times but did not go through as he switched off his mobile phone. I wondered why.Even today, he still did not switched on yet.What really happened to him,Allahu 'alam.Even Jamaliah is giving me a hard time. May Allah make it easy for me to tackle her in this matter.I feel sad today.Ya Allah,make me sabr and steadfast in your deen, ameen.Another day passes by.Hold on there Akajon..May Allah rescued you and take you out from this hardship and difficulties,ameen.

Siti Soleha Diary - Would you marry me...?

Day 47

Hana and myself slept in my sister's house last night coz today I am working from 10 am to 2 pm.Went to work cycling,came back home around 2 pm.My sister,Anis and Nek went to Tesco to buy some stuff.After Asr solat, we're ready to go.Reached Hana's school around 7pm.Stop by at Lunas to pray Magrib then headed straight back home.Bought roti bun for dinner.Took shower and now resting after a long day activities.

Akajon, I am always thinking of you.A lot of questions that need to be answered by you keep on lingering in my mind.I dont know Akajon, what's going to happen to both of us after you are sent back to your home country.Would you want to come back here in Malaysia and marry me in a proper way..?This is the first thought that came to my mind when I think of you,Akajon...What would be your answer then...?

Siti Soleha Diary- What a Day Yesterday

Day 44

Subhanallah,I was so upset and feeling very remorse.I promise myself that I will not repeat this mistake ever again.A very painful lesson indeed.Alhamdulillah,Hana and Fara came back home safely just after 9pm.My sister and I together with Anis and Nek went to wait for them at the Jetty Terminal.Only Allah knows how so relief I was at that moment when I saw both of them, Hana and Fara walking towards us.Alhamdulillah,I am so grateful to Allah swt...Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar
Akajon...I miss you.May Allah make us meet soon,ameen

Today I went to Kak Laili's house,gave her some food and later asked her whether she has white or black tudung for Hana to wear.She gave me one white tudung as a present to Hana,alhmadulillah.

Siti Soleha Diary- Sewing Day

Day 43

Went to Kak Laili's house. Came to mys sister's house around 12.00 pm.Not working today.Took my own sweet time to finish sewing my dress and tudung.Damir called me up today asking for details about Akajon.May Allah make it easy for all of us,ameen.

Right now,I am still waiting for Nek and Hana to return home.Still No sign of them.I am beginning to worry a little bit.Where on earth are they right now..??It's almost coming to 7 pm.Actually.I am not comfortable when my sister didnt want to pick them up from school today....I cant do much here coz I dont have transport of my own.I have to wait until she arrives safely back home here....in my sister's house.

Siti Soleha Diary - Another week to go,insya Allah

Day 42

It's been almost a month and a half I didnt have the chance to to meet up Akajon.Any way,insyaAllah, another week to go.Hang in there Akajon.

I got back my bicycle.Cost of repair RM38.Nothing much to do, so I sew another baju for myself.Pasar malam nite.I bought laksa nad nasi kerabu and air tebu.Semua tak sedap...Cooked chicken liver,pun tak sedap.

I started solat today after taking shower and washing clothes.No news from Jamaliah yet. I think I should sms to to remind her about the fund transfer. Feeling a bit tired too.

Siti Soleha Diary - Relaxing Day

Day 41

Nothing much to say today.Everything is fine.I called Jamaliah asking her to transfer back RM350-00 to my Maybank account soonest possible.Workwise is not that busy.Alhamdulillah.Aunt flo is still around,so I guess I have more free time. Hanna called me,hopefully she and Farah can come back together with Nek this Thursday by bus.May Allah make it easy for them, ameen..Today, still unable to collect the bicycle,shop closed in the evening.I have to remind my sister to go there this Friday afternoon,insyaAllah.I will still be writing letters to Akajon despite of the limited time frame.I feel more relax and have piece of mind sharing my daily routine with Akajon.I feel that he is with me here listening and communicating with me...
Akajon, may Allah make you and me sabr and steadfast in our deen.Allahu Akbar,Allahu Akbar,Allahu Akbar.

Siti Soleha Diary- Masya Allah what a surprising day...

Day 40

Subhanallah,walhamdulillah,I am so lost for words...Very very grateful indeed to Allah azza wajjal .Allahu Akbar,Allahu Akbar,Allahu Akbar.My day has become like a bright sunny day...My darling husband called me at around 9.45am ,while on the way to work.Talked for almost 15 minutes.I was happy to hear his voice again.Called Damir to inform him about Akajon.Hopefully,he can expedite on the paper works.So many plans in my head.may Allah make it easy in our current and future undertakings.Ameen.I hope to see Akajon soon.Miss him dearly.I am going back to work this evening from 6pm to9pm.No problem,insyAllah.Right now I am resting in  my sister's house.

Siti Soleha Diary - No Topic

Day 39

Called Damir early morning.I asked him whether I should go Shah Alam before the 20th of this month.I think I should go early,perhaps Allah will  make me meet Akajon before he leaves the country.I plan to pass over his clothes to Damir.Today starts work at 9am.Met with another senior staff name Saidah.Nice lady.Not busy at all,only a few patients.went back around 2pm.rest in my sister's house till evening.went to Kak Laili's house,told her that I already secure a job with Klinik Novandri.came home cooked dinner and made coffee.InsyaAllah tomorrow, I inform Khairul about my leave.

Siti Soleha Diary - First Day at Work

Day 38

I dont feel that much of excitement to work in a clinic full of sick people and the strong smell of medicines and drugs of all kinds shapes and sizes make me nausea and feel sick in the stomach.Not many patients today,so alhamdulillah, I managed to learn the ropes from a good temporary employee name Zamrina where everybody here call her Zam.Zam is very helpful and nice to me.Went to work at 8 am and finished at 2 pm sharp.In the evening went with my sister to Tesco,bought some staff,came back home around 7.15pm.Oh forgot to mention,Damir called me,asking me to bring Akajon photograph when I come to Shah Alam.I told Damir I cannot find Akajon's photos,so I sent him email with attached files of Akajon's photograph.Hopefully,Damir is able to download it and print it in the photo shop,insyaAllah.
Akajon,I hope you are not upset with me for woking in this place.All are ladies except the Doctor is a male Doctor.When you are here,then you tell me whether you allow me to continue working or quit.Workwise not that bad,flexi hours, only a few hours a day and I can take off anytime I desire as long as I tell the senior staff in advance so she can reschedule our duty roaster.I am touching and smelling all your shirts and trousers today..I really want you to be back here with me, Akajon...I am lonely and bored...................

Siti Soleha Diary - When can I see you again...???

Day 37

Aunt flo visited me early morning.Wrote another letter to Akajon.The 12th letter.I went to Maybank to transfer money to Jamaliah for this month house rental,posted letter at Post Office and walked straight to mak's house.continue sewing my baju,insyaAllah,I plan to wear for tomorrow first day at work.In the afternoon,took my bicycle for repair.Waited with Anis at MakBi's bungalow hut.Went home around 7.00p.m.Ate rice and walked home,called Zambri disscussed about mak's properties.InsyaAllah plan to gather the three of us to settle this matter amicably.
Akajon,now I feel that you are far far away from me...I am beginning to lost the touch,the smell of your sweat,the sound of your MP3 listening to beautiful Quran recitations,the sound of you opening and closing the front door,the sound of the water dropping on the floor while you were taking shower and many many more.Even our neighbours realiased that why they no longer can hear the beautiful recitation of the quran during morning and night time anymore.They asked Kak Laili and Kak Laili told them you no longer stay here but working and residing in Kuala Lumpur.When can I see you again..???????????